


Horns of a Dilemma

by ButterflyGhost, Mag1ster



Category: due South
Genre: Explicit Sexual Content, M/M, Public Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-24
Updated: 2012-12-24
Packaged: 2017-11-22 06:28:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,844
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/606826
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ButterflyGhost/pseuds/ButterflyGhost, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mag1ster/pseuds/Mag1ster
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fraser drags Ray to the 'most boringest movie ever made.' Ray decides to punish him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Horns of a Dilemma

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Ride_Forever](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ride_Forever/gifts), [Mag1ster](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mag1ster/gifts), [ButterflyGhost](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ButterflyGhost/gifts).



> If you are reading this, and you happen to be BG's son, brother or father... STOP. Stop right now. You have been warned.
> 
> If you are reading this and you happen to be the mother, father or a sibling of BG's ex... STOP. You have been doubly warned.
> 
> We would like to thank Ride_Forever for a lightning fast beta, and for laughing like a loony in all the right places, as well as the title.
> 
> Anyone else over the age of eighteen who doesn't mind public displays of... uhm... affection, what can we say? Enjoy. And happy Christmas.

 

This was the last time Ray was ever gonna let Fraser choose the movie. It was one of those godawful black-and-white films set in someone’s parlour. The hero had just been woken at three in the morning by an urgent knock at the door and was wearing a robe over his immaculate three-piece suit. (Maybe he was related to Vecchio or something.) You could tell he’d just got out of bed, because his cravat was slightly awry. 

 

Awry. He couldn’t believe he’d just thought ‘awry.’ Or ‘cravat’ come to that. _Gee, thanks for expanding my vocabulary, Fraser. That’s real useful right now…_

 

“This is fascinating, Ray,” Fraser was whispering to him. “It’s proto-Hitchcockian, though obviously Hitchcock played with the conventions of the genre when…”

 

_Stop saying ‘Hitchcock.’_

 

No such luck. “Hitchcock transcended the limits imposed by…”

 

“Shush,” a woman muttered up ahead.

 

Fraser dropped his voice, and carried on saying ‘Hitchcock.’

 

_I musta been a mass murderer in a past life._

 

“The inner self-referentiality reminds me of…”

 

_Shut up, Fraser, I wanna die._

 

Uncomfortably, Ray shifted on the cinema seat and shut his eyes to escape the hell unfolding on the screen. Damn. He crossed one leg over the other so Fraser wouldn’t see the completely inappropriate hard-on that was tenting his pants. These days Ray had to wear baggy pants pretty much everywhere. At least it was dark in here. Normally Fraser coulda sniffed out a Kowalski boner with his eyes shut. Fortunately (or unfortunately depending how you looked at it) Fraser was far too interested in the action on screen to sniff (or spot) the action in Ray’s pants. 

 

“Mind you,” Fraser continued his lecture with irritating enthusiasm, “the plot, dialogue and actors seem very stylised to most modern audiences. One could argue in fact that we’re watching an art form as alien to late twentieth century Western sensibilities as, for example, Japanese Noh. It’s mesmerising really, like finding a fossil beneath…”

 

“Shush!”

 

On screen the hero and heroine were gazing at each other passionately. At least Ray assumed it was passion. They might justa been constipated. 

 

“Oh, Julian,” the heroine gasped asthmatically. “I love you.”

 

“I know,” the hero replied, sounding like Leonard Cohen, if Laughing Lenny’d had all the gravel scraped out of his voice and gone to a British finishing school. “I love you too, my dahling.”

 

“Oh, Julian,” she fluttered.

 

“Oh, Sandi,” he intoned.

 

 _Oh God,_ Ray prayed with equal passion. _Kill me now._

 

Fraser had fallen silent for a moment, and Ray glanced at his profile, smudged pale in the dimness of the cinema. _You know,_ he thought, _there’s really not_ _that_ _many people in here,_ _and we_ _are_ _in the back row…_

 

Sandi and Julian were on a ship now. You could tell it was a ship, because somebody had painted the sea on the wall behind them. You could tell it was the sea, because there was a painted lighthouse in the distance, and a few seagulls that looked like a kid had drawn them. You could see the shadow of the camera on the wall. Actually… you could see the shadows of the actors.

 

“Oh, Sandi.”

 

“Oh, Julian.”

 

“Sandi.”

 

“Julian…”

 

“Sandi, my dahling, this thing is bigger than both of us…”

 

That did it. Ray couldn’t stand another minute of this crap. He slid off his seat, turned toward Fraser’s groin and aimed for the pants.

 

Fraser jerked with surprise as Ray undid the fly with swiftness learned from much practise. “Ray, what are you doing?”

 

Dumb Canadian. It was obvious what Ray was doing. Fraser’s Mountie brain mightn’t have changed gears yet, but his body knew exactly what was going on. His legs were moving apart to give Ray better access, like he couldn’t help himself. Maybe it was that Pamela’s dog thing. Ray got comfortable on the floor and took the man in hand. Fraser let out a most ill-mannered squeak.

 

Someone hissed out “Will you shut up back there? Some of us are trying to watch the movie!” 

 

“Oh, Benton,” Ray whispered, knowing his good buddy’s bat ears would pick it up. “My dahling… this thing’s bigger than both of us.”

 

Fraser choked a giggle, and went hard so fast he musta got dizzy. Poor guy… Ray grinned, bent his head forward. His hand started stroking. He swiped his tongue along the shaft. Licked. _Hmm._ God, he loved that smell...

 

On screen the actors provided the dialogue:

 

“Dignity, always dignity,” the actress declaimed, with tragic nobility. 

 

Ray peeked up. Fraser’s eyes were closed, his startled smile wide open, lips parted and his cheeks pink even in this light. He looked sexy as hell but not at all dignified. Ray slid his mouth over what was, by any standard, seriously impressive Canadian hardwood. 

 

Fraser moaned. 

 

The audience went “shush.”

 

“Oh, Julian, will you love me for the rest of my life?”

 

“No, Sandi my dahling, I’ll love you for the rest of mine…”

 

Ray slid his mouth and hand off Fraser’s hard-on and smirked, feathering his fingers over warm hard balls. Fraser’s eyes opened, and he glared down, thrusting against empty air. Ray whispered, “Oh, Benton, will you love me for the rest of my life?”

 

“Yes,” Fraser snapped, completely forgetting to lower his voice, “because I’m just about to kill you.”

 

 

“SHUSH!!!” went the audience. Sounded like the cinema had sprung a leak… Fraser was definitely not watching the movie anymore. He was scowling at Ray, his hands clutching onto the arms of his seat like he thought he was going to fly off through the ceiling. His hips urged hopefully in the direction of Ray’s mouth.

 

_Greatness._

 

Ray’s head went back down, and Fraser spasmed into it so hard that the springs on his seat squeaked.

 

“SHUSH!”

 

Ray chuckled in his throat as his head bobbed up and down. He moved his hand up from Fraser’s balls, wrapped it round the base of his cock again and started pumping. The other hand crept up under the tunic. Trust Fraser to turn up in full serge to watch a crap movie. Yeah, well, there was no way Fraser could ever be buttoned down enough to stop Ray from mussing him right back up.

 

Beneath his palm Fraser’s abdomen was warm; soft and hard at the same time. A slight layer of belly fat cushioned Ray’s hand as he rubbed, the firm muscles underneath clenching and unclenching, following the rhythm set by Ray’s mouth. Ray trailed his fingers up to the belly button, then further up, north-east to the right nipple. Circled it, then across to the left. Pinched. Fraser whimpered.

 

“SHUSH!!!”

 

“Oh, Sandi, dahling, how will I live without you?”

 

“Oh, Julian my love, my dear, dear man, our love transcends time itself…”

 

Ray’s fingers spidered their way back down to the belly button, poked into its warmth, then tiptoed down to pubic hair and tickled.

 

Fraser giggled.

 

 _Bingo._ Giggling Fraser was always a good sign. Giggling Fraser usually made an appearance right before the arrival of orgasmatron Fraser coming so hard he damn near fainted.

 

Behind him Sandi was dying, presumably in Julian’s arms.

 

“Oh, Julian, my love…”

 

“Sandi, my dahling. Don’t leave me, I love you so...”

 

Ray slid off Fraser for a moment so he could speak. “Dahling,” he whispered, his voice muffled against Fraser’s cock, “you’re the woman I love and I don’t care who knows it.”

 

Fraser surged up in his seat, laughing like a maniac, and came, and came and came.

 

“SHUSH!!!”

 

Ray gobbled back around Fraser’s hard-on, and swallowed, sucking and licking up every salty drop he could get his tongue on. He was one fan-fucking-tastic Polish sex god. Fraser was still laughing and gasping, “oh, sorry, sorry, so sorry…” Ray slid the deflating penis from his mouth and gave it an affectionate kiss before popping it back in Fraser’s pants and buttoning him up. 

 

Some woman was complaining from a few rows down.

 

“WILL you please SHUT UP!”

 

“I’m sorry, Ma’am,” Fraser said, one hand pressed on Ray’s head to keep him safely out of sight. 

 

“Yes, well, you ruined the movie.”

 

“I enjoyed the movie,” Ray whispered. Fraser started giggling again, and plonked his Stetson firmly on Ray’s head. 

 

“Some people. Honestly… no consideration,” the woman said. 

 

“Hear, hear,” someone else chimed in.

 

Ray put his fist to his mouth and started giggling too.

 

Fraser bent down and glowered in his face. “I hate you, Ray Kowalski.”

 

Well… he _was_ kneeling after all. “Marry me, Benton Fraser… please, my dahling, let me make an honest woman of you…”

 

Fraser grabbed his hand and dragged him out of the darkened cinema. Ray clutched the Stetson to stop it falling from his head, blinking in the lobby and… damn. He was walking funny.

 

“Restroom, now,” Fraser ordered him.

 

Never let it be said that Ray didn’t appreciate the chain of command. Fraser pushed into the stall with him, kicked the door shut with his foot, eyes fixed on Ray, failing to look furious. He reached behind him to snick the lock. One side of his mouth couldn’t stop smiling. 

 

“You are in so much trouble, Detective Kowalski.”

 

“Hey!” Ray poked Fraser’s red-clad chest. “I was saving you from the most boringest film ever made.”

 

“Ingrate.” Fraser was moving up close to him, looking dangerously sexy. “I was trying to broaden your cultural horizons.”

 

“No you weren’t. You were torturing me.” Fraser was torturing him now. He was undoing Ray’s buttons, but the mean bastard had started with his shirt. _Pants, for fuck’s sake, what about my pants?_

 

“I was not torturing you,” Fraser murmured, torturously, against his ear. Lick, nibble… _Fuck… torture…_ “It’s a classic of its genre…” 

 

“You were endangering my life in wildly bizarre ways,” Ray groaned out. _Keep doing that, fuck’s sake, don’t stop…_ “I was gonna die of boredom in there.”

 

Fraser backed off, indignantly. “It’s a very interesting film! It’s a masterpiece!” Ray glared, hooked a hand round Fraser’s head and tugged him back in.

 

“Interesting, yeah? You know, they should put that on the posters. So people know how interesting it is. Just in case they think, ‘what the hell is this crap, this is boring as all fuck’ .”

 

 _Finally._ Fraser had found Ray’s fly. _Thank you God…_ Between kisses and the slowest unzipping in human history, Fraser carried on defending the worst film ever made. “It’s not boring, Ray…”

 

 _Shuddup and blow me already…_ No. Ray was _not_ gonna beg. “They should put that on the posters: ‘Around the Horn,’ interesting, but not as interesting as ‘Benton’s Cock’.”

 

Fraser giggled again. 

 

Ray smirked. Laughing Fraser was making a comeback. “Wanna go for a sequel?”

 

“‘Around Ray’s Horn’?”

 

“Yeah, maybe. Starring Benton Fraser, Canadian sex god?”

 

“No. A god would show mercy.” Fraser slid his hand between Ray’s legs, bringing his smile in for a kiss.

 

And then Fraser was all over him, and Ray was all over _that._ Thank fuck… the Mountie really was some sorta sex god. 

 

“Oh, Sandi,” Ray gasped.

 

“Oh, Julian.”

 

Oh, _fuck_ yeah...

**Author's Note:**

> A collaboration between Butterfly Ghost and her Ex, hereafter to be known as 'Julian.' (Although he's actually 'Mag1ster' on AO3.)
> 
> The fruit of our joint research in the field, we hope that this offering amuses others as much as it did us, both as we wrote it this last week, and as we (ahem) experienced it in 1991. 
> 
> The part of Benton Fraser was played by 'Julian' (hang on, BG's ex) and the part of RayK by BG, (hang on, 'Sandi...') We make absolutely no apologies at all, though we really hope our son never reads it. But as you can no doubt tell, we had a lot of fun.
> 
> This is my Christmas present to my ex, his Christmas present to me. How romantic...
> 
> Oh, Julian!


End file.
